Lasagna Punching


If you value your morals and happily toast kicking without fear of evil do NOT read this article. Read this instead

What is Lasagna Punching?

Lasagna Punching is the most henious evil of the toast kicking world. It is the worst possible thing you could do to disrespect Toast Kicker Alpha and some say that if you commit such a crime you will immediately be blacklisted on the TKA server of life. It is also said that the TKA will curse you so that your cable bill never stops rising.

Below are listed some other punishments for lasagna punching:

  • TKA will kill a rock.
  • Your family will wake up earlier just to bug you.
  • Your left pc speaker will blow out.
  • Everything you've interacted with in the last 5 seconds of your life will attempt to kill you.
  • A moose will die.
  • You're right sock will die a terrible death.
  • Clams.
  • You will be forced to speak Toastish and won't even understand yourself.
  • One kilogram of rain will fall on your favorite article of consumer electronics.
  • Your eye will twitch.
  • You will be more easily startled by loud noise.
  • You will have to change 1 more light bulb in your lifetime.
  • Your hamster will run away. And also develop the ability to time travel and cross the fourth dimension to get you back for all the times you forgot to feed him.
  • You will drop a chicken in toilet while you're drunk.
  • It will die.
  • Your face will be stuck in the LAWLWAT!? position.
  • You will become a meme. That everyone loves. Until a group of 10 year olds think its funny. Then everyone will hate you.
  • You will become 1% stupider each year.
  • Grandma's cookies just won't taste the same.
  • The punch will backfire and you will fling yourself into the 6th dimension entering a parallel universe and ending everything forever.
  • Yuu wunt bee abl tu spel.
  • Your magic levels will increase. But only in suicide spells.
  • Every hug you get for feeling sad will deduct 1 dollar from your debit account.
  • Toast will haunt your dreams.
  • Your teeth will get 5% softer.
  • A cow won't moo.
  • You will experience the blue screen of death.
  • The TKA won't pretend to like you anymore.
  • You will have a bad hair day every day.
  • Everything that you touch will turn to uranium.
  • The Sun won't shine for you.
  • All of the pennies that you find will turn to dead rats.
  • You will grow a goatee.
  • Your phone will grow a goatee.
  • Your toothbrush will chafe.
  • A cat will grow a fifth leg.
  • All soda will turn to water.
  • All water will turn to soda.
  • Your knee will start hurting.
  • The air will reject you.
  • Vans will disapprove of you.
  • You will get a bronze star instead of a golden one.
  • Jam will taste like jelly.
  • Smiling will be to difficult for you.
  • Ham will disappear.
  • Golems will come to get you.
  • You will turn into a vampire, but only in daylight.
  • A guy named Karl will think less of you.
  • The Irish Potato Famine will happen again.
  • Your pillow will be replaced with broccoli.
  • The broccoli will go bad
  • The broccoli will try to eat you.
  • The US navy will hunt you.
  • You will swim on land.
  • You will go deaf in your right eye.
  • You will get a free poison toothbrush.
  • Your new best friend will be a nuke.
  • Your favorite color will be brown.
  • You will spell color, "colour".
  • You get a free speedboat.
  • You will yell the word "ham" at 150 decibels.
  • A sea monster will sneeze on you.
  • You will become to dumb to operate macaroni and cheese.
  • Ffuiraghnbnapg.
  • Your favorite doll from childhood will no longer like you.
  • You will die.

Why do this evil act?

Well most peoples excuse is just because. But Toast Kicker Alpha knows the real reason. Its because some ignorant little twits think they are above religion and science and people and science and toast and science and tka and science and music and science and pizza and science and think they can get away with anything and science. But the true followers of this dark are the most evil people enemies even to Wythl.

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