Toast Levitation Paradox

The Paradox

How it works

This rarely used form of levitation (except for in the new age techniques of Toast Kicking) Involves strapping two pieces of toast butter side down to the under side of your shoes. Because toast lands butter side down, science will get confused and grant you the ability to levitate.
The equation to theory of Toast Levitation


Uses in modern day science

Some scientists belive that although this paradox is rather tasty, it can be used in modern science. One of the new primary uses of this is guessed to be already secretly in use at the LHC Many believe this theory to be silly and thus stop believing in it, and when this happens, toast seems to get demoralized and lose its levitating property forever.
Others think they have found new sub atomic particles with this method, but they usually do it to get on scientists nerves and say, hey look scientists I'm better than you. This makes toast angry, and toast hides it's discoveries from everyone except those who they aren't hidden from.

Toast in Action

Toast, being a rather lazy food from the whole grain family and being used as a laugh at every food family thanksgiving gather-up. Decided to take upon its mysterious properties to make it's family see that it could accomplish something for once. In other words… Toast has evolved over time to be the most action full food ever. Making appearances in movies and shows such as:
Spongebob, James Bond, and My Little Pony.

Significance in Religion

Many believe that this ability was sent to us as a last ditch effort to get a good laugh out of the earth by God. God replies, in an interview, "I Did Not Do That". Magically, every journalist in the conference room believed him, before they burst into flames.

Hatred and Toast

It seems that there is a negative reaction in relation to the amount of hatred inside of a person and toast levitation height. Scientists say that the toast is an empathetic species of bread, and a recent graph from the University of Cambridge shows that the addition of love will directly correlate to the height increase in toast. It does seem, as the old proverb goes, that "Ye olde behluvd toest est flyin toest".

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