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by DIGIRENDIGIREN 18 May 2013 01:15

The Anti-Toast-Burning-Tempramatrix was a tool invented by Mr.Brown in the first few moments of the Fourth Great Toast War. Mr. Brown, because he accidentally started the third great toast war direly felt the need to invent a stop to the rapid toast burning fury of Zeldathelia. As Zeldathelia started burning the first pieces of toast, an act unknown to man before its debut in the final moments before the war, Brown was astonished. The burning toast had started to cause a camroneium vacuum. This vacuum was one of the most deadly to ever occur and could have blown a hole in the universe the exact size of Belgium. This was Browns motivation to create the Anti-Toast-Burning-Tempramatrix. He quickly summoned the help of every sentient super-being in the universe to create this device. This device allowed the wearer to completely reverse any time stream events relating to the burning of toast, and unleash a terrible array of side-effects on the toast burner that almost completely coincide with the side effects of lasagna punching. It is unknown at the time if this device was successful, because as Brown said "I don't know if it worked I have to check by testing it. I will see you at the end of the universe." and also something about Brown revealing the secret tearing apart the universe or something that no one payed attention to. It is known though, that the fourth great toast war did end with a peaceful resolution, and was also one of the primary reasons the Toast Defense Agency For Underprivileged Toast was formed.


by DIGIRENDIGIREN 19 Nov 2011 19:48

Many people believe that Austin is the reincarnated version of TKA or Toast Kicker Alpha. They believe this because of TKA's last message to all of us, containing his name: "Hey y'all, my name is: Auburn Ustershire Samfred Tiltenhoe Ingotsio Nerius." People believe that this name is the modern day equivalent of Austin. This and many other facts that will be displayed in this article lead to this popular belief.


by SomeForeignGuySomeForeignGuy 09 May 2012 15:48

Austinium is an awesome element with the symbol An and atomic number 136. It should be known that Austinium is a very volatile element, as it is filled with enough awesomeness to kill seven gigaelepants with one drop. The TKA takes baths in it.

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Austinium naturally occurs in pools, which bubble up from the surface.

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by SomeForeignGuySomeForeignGuy 07 May 2012 13:55

Not Björn
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This is what Björn would look like if he were not Björn.


by DIGIRENDIGIREN 19 Nov 2011 19:12

Bread was invented B.C. 10000 by the enlightened TKA or Toast Kicker alpha as a failed attempt at a soccer ball, but the indigenous cultures seemed to enjoy it so much that he let them have it. It wouldn't be for thousands of years until toast was invented when a drunk man fell and dropped his bread into a fire, creating Toast Some quantum theorists predict that the TKA appeared and pushed the drunk man in order to change the course of history.


by DIGIRENDIGIREN 16 Apr 2013 15:58

Brown is one of the most prominent colours in the universe. It is thought to be of such great importance, that The Brown Dimension was named after it.


by SomeForeignGuySomeForeignGuy 28 Nov 2011 02:33

Also known as Awesome, this is the finest form of solid animal fats in the multiverse.

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by KrawkyzKrawkyz 12 Apr 2013 16:15

Cameronium (atomic number 0) is the "nothing" atom. It was discovered by Rayford Von Pruben during an intense toast kicking session.

Cameronium Vacuum

by DIGIRENDIGIREN 16 Apr 2013 15:47

A Cameronium Vacuum, also known as a triple mega intensified double vacuum. It occurs when an air pocket suddenly feels the absense of cameronium. All of the eveything in the universe feels the extreme desire to fill the gap. This means that these vacuums last only for fractions of a second. The longest Cameronium Vacuum occurence happened during The Great Belguim Waffle Eating. This vacuum lasted 30 seconds and almost consumed all of Paris.

Caseum Vim Syndrome

by SomeForeignGuySomeForeignGuy 01 May 2012 15:59

Caseum Vim Syndome (CVS) is a disorder that effects the lateral orbitofrontal cortex, characterized by thoughts of extreme violence when near any sort of cheese or other curdled good. This is also a very common disease. In the US, one in 0.063 kilopeople suffer from this, and new cases are being diagnosed every twelve minutes, 47 seconds. This is the only syndrome that can be passed on to others, but only through contact with a patient's blood. This can also arise from traumatic cheese-related memories as a child.

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Enlightened Toast Kicker Alpha

by DIGIRENDIGIREN 20 Nov 2011 21:41

The enlightened TKA is what some would call a ghost of the TKA. After the TKA's death, he became one with the toast and became all powerful.

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Fighting Alien Werewolf Cyborg Zombie Ninja Vampire Mailman Wizards From The Seventh Dimension Who Fight Using Flaming Light...

by SomeForeignGuySomeForeignGuy 10 Feb 2012 22:34

Also known as playing an electric guitar, on top of a mountain, surrounded by flames while being struck by lightning, fighting alien werewolf cyborg zombie ninja vampire mailman wizards from the seventh dimension who fight using flaming light saber gatling gun chainsaw dynamite katanas and drive ghostly tessarects that shoot lasers and particle beams while learning the true meaning of friendship and a guy named Earl. And winning. This is the most awesome act in the universe, and is said to cure blindness and diabetes. It also translates into yehabin de kerflubin shne fobiedobie bopitybobitybingbang flifflofagus fungi flatter flubber fling fang in Toastish (the lost language of Toast Kicker Alpha). .

First Great Toast War

by KrawkyzKrawkyz 08 Nov 2012 22:01

The First Great Toast War (3498 B.C. - 3422 B.C.) (also known as the Toast-Bread War) was a war between Toast and Bread to whomever could control the Holy Toast Lands. The Duke of Eldritchburough used to hold these lands, but during King KikToest's reign over Topepia, the Eldritchburoughens (also known as Breadiens) invaded Topepia. KikToest reacted by sending up the Toast Kicking Armies of Topepia to stop the invaders and seek revenge by invading Eldritchburough and the Holy Toast Lands.

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Gnorts Kluh

by DIGIRENDIGIREN 09 Nov 2012 02:37

Gnorts Kluh was a man. He talked to people and did stuff. This promptly put him on the track to discover Toast-Physics. He was amazing. End of story.

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Hair Pulling

by KrawkyzKrawkyz 09 Nov 2012 03:00

Hair Pulling is act in which one detaches dead cells (most often the ones protruding from the skin rather than the skin itself) from themself. This act is said to cleanse ones soul so your toast kicking can achieve a full aura to achieve such feats as the Toast Levitation Paradox.
In the later centuries of toast kicking, Wythl used Hair Pulling to increase his toast kicking power to attempt to defeat Toast Kicker Alpha, yet he still could not. TKA decided after this eventful amount of events to ban Hair Pulling. It is now said those who Hair Pull lose their hair.

Half Electrons

by KrawkyzKrawkyz 29 Apr 2013 17:08

Half-Electrons are an electron with -1/2 charge. While almost always found in pairs, they have quite odd properties when used.

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Jesus Christ

by KrawkyzKrawkyz 18 Apr 2013 17:18

Jesus Christ (pronounced JAY-sus kr-IST) is often confused for the Christian Bible's Jesus Christ. However, he is completely different, besides the fact he looks the same, acted the same, and by Von Pruben's Theory of Everything, smelled the same too. However, everyone of that time could easily distinguish the two, while today we have issues with our eyesight in determining which of the two similar people is who. This sentence could be rephrased as "Today people are stupid but people of the past are smart." (Most Toakologists support this statement.)


by KrawkyzKrawkyz 17 Apr 2013 20:46

Juckanamugetology (short for "Jogulartrefaritedaweralanalamusegelofodepulavyneadmoeuesotology) is the study of Cameronium, atomic number 0.

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Kerlen Te Neverbet

by KrawkyzKrawkyz 18 Apr 2013 15:36

Kerlen Te Neverbet (Toast-200 B.B.- LoafofToast-200 B.B.) was a former student of Rayford Von Pruben. During one of Von Pruben's Theory of Everything speeches, while the audience was booing, Neverbet stood up and yelled "It's true! Look!" The audience ignored him, but Von Pruben had noticed. They met later and talked. Te Neverbet was one of the few well-known Juckamugetologists, or people who study Cameronium. He discovered many forms of this, and discovered the super-element Teium.

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Lasagna Punching

by DIGIRENDIGIREN 18 Feb 2012 06:03

If you value your morals and happily toast kicking without fear of evil do NOT read this article. Read this instead


by DIGIRENDIGIREN 19 Nov 2011 17:36

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Which apocalypse will it cause?

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Main Watchers

by SomeForeignGuySomeForeignGuy 09 Nov 2012 02:31

There are several watchers that have helped create this site and make it what it is today. We are gathered here today to bind them in holy mat-… that was wrong wasn't right was it? Well, anyway, here's a list of them.

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by KrawkyzKrawkyz 18 Apr 2013 17:01

The adjective Obious means "an idea so obvious that the 'v' in obvious is not required."

Ode to Grilled Cheese

by KrawkyzKrawkyz 09 Nov 2012 01:43

This is said to be Wythl's version of the Ode to Toast.

Ode To Toast

by DIGIRENDIGIREN 20 Nov 2011 18:25

The poem ode to toast is said to have been written by TKA himself.

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Rayford Von Pruben

by KrawkyzKrawkyz 12 Apr 2013 17:22

Rayford Von Pruben (Toast - LoafofToast) was the prominent Toakologist during the LoafToast era of Toast Kicking. He succeeded Gnorts-Kluh in Toast Kicking. His discoveries range from Cameronium to a known sighting and proving of the dormant existence of Wythl.

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Sacred Toast Kicking Scrolls

by DIGIRENDIGIREN 19 Nov 2011 19:36

The Sacred Toast Kicking Scrolls are a collection of texts created by the TKA during his exile in the mountains.

Second Great Toast War

by DIGIRENDIGIREN 19 Nov 2011 21:15

The Second Great Toast War was one of the greatest and bloodiest wars that the world has ever known, it started in B.C. 3398 when the Duke of Eldritchburough's toast landed butter side up.

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by KrawkyzKrawkyz 29 Apr 2013 17:16

Teium is the only super-element known to date. Discovered by Kerlen Te Neverbet, it contains Cameronium Ions Cameronium +Cameronium Cameronium -20 #2 and isotope Cameronium O9T.

The 7 Scrolls Of The Elder Tka

by DIGIRENDIGIREN 20 Nov 2011 18:31

These scrolls are apart from the Sacred Toast Kicking Scrolls and only 2 out of the 7 are lost to history.

The Brown Dimension

by DIGIRENDIGIREN 16 Apr 2013 16:00

The Brown Dimension coensides with Von Pruben's Theory of Everything. The brown dimenstion is where all of the stuff is though to have come from. It is also the force that restarts the universe every seventy trillion years.

The Great Guacamole God

by DIGIRENDIGIREN 11 Mar 2013 00:03

The great guacamole god was created by Wythl as a result of a grilled cheese kicking experiment gone bad. The Great Guacamole God actually ended up becoming much more powerful than Wythl and eventually sided with the TKA.

The Neutron Zone

by DIGIRENDIGIREN 09 Nov 2012 02:28

The Neutron Zone is a zone that exists only in the 967th realm of the 955th dimension of the Trioctigonicus.
This strange zone contains nothing. Also everything. But for the most part floating bits of unfinished thoughts and lost arguments.

The Toast Kicking Kid

by SoEvol96SoEvol96 19 Apr 2013 16:25

One upon a time, there was a boy who lived in a town where the food supply was terribly low. The poorest of the poor barely got the scraps of food left from the scraps of food from scraps of food the middle class people from the food of the high class people. The boy had to wake up early every morning just to run to the farm to get even an egg to cook. People would fight and even kill each other just to get the produce they needed for a decent enough meal. People starved and most died. During the afternoon one day, the boy was talking with his grandfather, and his grandfather spoke about a legend of The Toast Kicking Kid. The legend states that there was a kid, obviously a kid, who defeated the Toast King and Kicked the Toast. He also said that The Toast Kicking Kid's style of fighting was Toast Kicking. The boy was so eccentric from the story that every night, he dreamed of being The Toast Kicking Kid.


by DIGIRENDIGIREN 19 Nov 2011 19:20

Toast is the powerful mutation by heat of any species of bread. Toast is known for its kickability just as much as its edibleness, but only one thing can make toast better. This mysterious substance is known as butter, which could be investigated further, but many people figure that as long as it keeps falling from the sky, they might as well put it on toast.

Toast Kicking

by DIGIRENDIGIREN 19 Nov 2011 07:10

'''Toast Kicking''' or '''Kicking toast''' is a popular action in which the participant's foot is applied with extreme brute force to a toasted piece of bread, or in layman's terms, '''toast'''. This act was started five-thousand years ago by a man known as Toast Kicker Alpha (TKA). Toast Kicking is a very popular activity in many parts of the world. Despite the legend of Toast-kicker Alpha, this may have been rooted in human psychology, as it seems, the brain is wired to take a third action in the fight or flight response, also known as the "Fight, Flight, or We Could Just Kick Toast Instead" response. Many theorize that if we would take this third option, all war would cease. The main problem is that there would be a horrible shortage of toast, which would cause many to develop a toast deficiency, and killing millions.

Toast Levitation Paradox

by DIGIRENDIGIREN 19 Nov 2011 07:09

This rarely used form of levitation (except for in the new age techniques of Toast Kicking) Involves strapping two pieces of toast butter side down to the under side of your shoes. Because toast lands butter side down, science will get confused and grant you the ability to levitate.
The equation to theory of Toast Levitation

Toast Physics

by DIGIRENDIGIREN 02 Jul 2012 14:16

Toast Physics borders along the world of quantum mechanics and conventional physics. It is thought to be the biggest, best, greatest, newest, and most promising field of science.


by DIGIRENDIGIREN 17 Feb 2012 02:24

Toastish, or gekhataba in the language (literally meaning "toast voice") , is the lost language of TKA. As it is lost, nobody really knows how to do anything in it… The only surviving articles of this language are the entire dictionary and rules of grammar.

Toastish Numerals

by SomeForeignGuySomeForeignGuy 11 Apr 2012 14:19

The Toastish Number system is an Undecimal (base-11) numbering system that was used by the ancient Toastpriests to number and keep track of the toast that had been blessed. It is a fairly elegant system of numbering, and it became more refined throughout the millenia of toast counting. This system is in base eleven due to the fact that the Toastish always had to one-up the Arabics, to which the Arabics retorted that the Toastish had just copied their system, except with another number. This led to a conflit that is known today as "The Great Yelling-At-Eachother-From-The-Other-Side-Of-A-River" which still is known today as the single dullest war to ever take place.

Toast-Kicker Alpha

by SomeForeignGuySomeForeignGuy 19 Nov 2011 18:45

The Toast-kicker Alpha, also known as Auburn Ustershire Samfred Tiltenhoe Ingotsio Nerius, is possibly the most influential person of the last eon. His pioneering in the field of toast kicking has revolutionized the human condition. The TKA's valiant research in the field of toast kicking created several breakthroughs, including; the invention of fire, the end of barbarism and the Second Great Toast War, the development of agriculture, new research in microprocessor technology, the lightbulb, teatime, linux, dogs as pets, and the text message. While it may seem unbelievable that one man could create so many things that changed the world, but some believe that the TKA was divinely inspired by God himself.


by SomeForeignGuySomeForeignGuy 11 May 2012 13:59

The Trioctigonicus is an object that is perhaps the most interesting thing to ever exist. Many are not sure what it is or does, but one can be sure that it is so interesting, that people will give up on a chance to breathe just to stare at it for another moment.

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Von Pruben's Theory Of Everything

by DIGIRENDIGIREN 16 Apr 2013 15:55

This theory includes everything. It does not not include everything. And almost certainly contains not nothing. It contains so much everything that nothing is left for it to contain. It also contains this nothing. It contains so much of the nothing that it can not possibly contain everything. Yet, it does contain everything. It contains so much everything, and so much nothing, that it is thought to just be comprised of stuff. The stuff however, has to be made of something, which everything contains unless that something is nothing. Therefore, this theroy contains all of the everything, nothing, something, and stuff in the universe. This means that the theroy contains its self. But if it contains its self, it can not be observed from the outside. If it is to remain a theory, there has to be an outside observance. Because there is no outside observance one must assume that there is stuff outside of all of the everything that this theroy contains. It contains that stuff. It also includes the colour Brown.

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by DIGIRENDIGIREN 19 Nov 2011 19:33

Wythl was the name of the mentor that the TKA took apprenticeship under. He was the greatest toast kicker in the world until he discovered the TKA, who far surpassed him at an early age. (You may think "Wow, this story must be extremely false as everyone knows TKA practically invented toast kicking and Wythl couldn't have possibly kicked it before TKA was alive or even trained! You guys are really stupid!!!" Well, you reader, are the stupid one, because as everyone knows, the enlightened TKA lives in all time streams at one, so the answer is simple: Time travel. Well, back to the story.) As jealousy slowly mounted, Wythl found himself going insane, and as a final cry for help, picked up the dark art of grilled cheese kicking. His power soon grew to enormous levels, even surpassing the TKA's for a time, but as the TKA steadily and stably rose with power, Wythl was forced to retreat for a time into his lair. Wythl's dark kicking relies on having a steady supply of grilled cheese. He greedily hordes all grilled cheese in his lair, growing more monstrous and deformed every day, only going out at night to steal grilled cheese, wherever it may be.

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Xarvius Monteprubus

by KrawkyzKrawkyz 21 May 2013 15:46

Xarvius Monteprubus was created by Main Watchers as a way to fill in the 'X' column of the Glossary. It is difficult to decipher his true meaning, or whether or not there is a meaning at all. Oh well, I guess that will have to be mandated later.

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by DIGIRENDIGIREN 20 Nov 2011 18:28

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Zimboblified Toast Photons

by DIGIRENDIGIREN 22 Nov 2013 14:47


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